Colin Nissan

“You’ve made a very wise decision in choosing our all-inclusive resort, a secluded tropical oasis where luxury meets opulence, opulence meets extravagance, extravagance meets excessiveness, excessiveness meets recklessness, recklessness meets madness and madness meets a passing wave of shame.”

“Looking at you in this light with the sun bouncing off your adorable freckles, it feels a bit strange to be wondering if I can extend the sky behind your head and torso so it looks like you’re not there. I’m pretty sure I can, although it might look a little creamy at the edges. I bet if I add some grain, no one will notice. But right now the only thing I’m noticing is how beautiful you look, freckle-face.”