THE NEW YORKER: Good Meeting.

AMY: Okay. Well, in terms of feedback, my main concern would be making sure that all of our objectives are actionable from a budgetary standpoint. I really dread seeing each of you every day.
MARIA: It’s funny, Amy, I was going to say the same thing, and also add that we want to avoid a situation where we’re allocating valuable resources to the wrong brand pillars. I can’t feel my face when I say things like that.

THE NEW YORKER: Good Meeting.

AMY: Okay. Well, in terms of feedback, my main concern would be making sure that all of our objectives are actionable from a budgetary standpoint. I really dread seeing each of you every day.

MARIA: It’s funny, Amy, I was going to say the same thing, and also add that we want to avoid a situation where we’re allocating valuable resources to the wrong brand pillars. I can’t feel my face when I say things like that.

MCSWEENEY'S: An Automated Conference Call Moderator Gets Real.

The host has not yet arrived, please continue to hold, your conference will begin momentarily. The sound of a beep will signal the host’s arrival. That same beep will act as a Pavlovian trigger catapulting your mind through the succession of terrible decisions that led you to this place, this job, this cubicle, that haircut, those pants.