MCSWEENEY'S: An Automated Conference Call Moderator Gets Real.

The host has not yet arrived, please continue to hold, your conference will begin momentarily. The sound of a beep will signal the host’s arrival. That same beep will act as a Pavlovian trigger catapulting your mind through the succession of terrible decisions that led you to this place, this job, this cubicle, that haircut, those pants.